I was admitted upon arrival. I was diagnosed with Placenta Previa - complete previa. That is when the placenta is really close to the cervix, which can lead to premature labor. My four day stay was much needed to observe the baby's heart beat and that I didn't have any contractions. I had the loveliest nurses (Hi Ashley! Hi Megan!). I spent my days attached to monitors and IV, I had so many holes poked in my I felt sore to my earlobes.
4 days later, I was finally released from the hospital. I couldn't wait to see my babies. Fortunately, I had my mom with me to care after me since I was on strict bed rest. I can't tell you just how hard that was for me. Not only was it hard for me not to pick up my daughter when she asked (I couldn't say no), I was also having a hard time not picking up after the kids or washing the 5 dishes in the sink. Everyone wanted me to relax. Sit still. Ask for help. Something sooo simple. And people willing to help, I couldn't do it. I was miss independent. Not!
Today, 3 weeks later, I am back in the hospital. Admitted for the second time for spotting. I felt defeated. I have gotten weaker since I feel huge and sleeping had become impossible. I was easily out of breath and quickly tired when walking from one room to another. But I couldn't sit still.
I'm a prayer, so I prayed to God that He keep my baby well (sanos, monitors and blood work say the little one is doing great) but this time my prayer was asking for forgiveness of my disobedience. I trusted that this had occurred with God's purpose and perfect will. I accepted my situation, I just had to live according to. Tonight, as I sit in my very little hospital bed. Sipping warm apple juice and trying to ignore my growling belly, I making my pact with God, that I will "sit still, and know that He is God".
I need to be well for my unborn child and for my beautiful children at home. For my hubby, who is not big on words, but embraced me at 5 am yesterday whispering to me that He couldn't lose me and needed me to be strong. I felt those words deep in my heart. I saw it on Jordan's face when I told him I was going back to the hospital. He always has a question about something, but this time he just stared at the TV. He was scared and didn't know how to express it. I have 6 very special people depending on me and I am simply depending on Him. I know everything will work out so long as I sit still...
Ok, sleep is finally sneaking up (its 1 am and I can't sleep!!) I will do us all a favor and get rest :)